Snakey's Confessions

A WIND BLOWS THE DOOR WIDE OPEN

2010-08-28T23:54:00.000-07:00

The whole workshop weeks dragged on. We got to know each other as no one else has gotten to know each of us before; even our parents and perhaps partners did not know us as we began to unravel secrets and fears that each of us have. We learned of deep hurts and dreams and pent up emotions that have been simmering beneath the surface of our everyday facades of normalcy. More importantly, we learned of insecurities that guide our very actions. And we used it against each other, not to hurt but as a means of going into character for whatever role our mentor called for us to be in an instant.
This only managed to make us all closer, a tie that bound personalities that would have otherwise left each other alone for the most part. We were raw of feelings, uber sensitive to the innumerable point of reminders of the uncanny closeness that attracts each of us. And attraction did grow; we were unable to stop ourselves to feel so much for these people that could have named us inside out, these individuals who know more about ourselves than we probably could have known; mentally, emotionally and yes, physically. Clothes were no barriers to sight and touch for some of the exercises that we had to undergo.
Those days were hard for me, for the first time in my life I was open to a lot of things that I had no room in my thoughts for before. I touched and tasted with lips and hands parts of other’s bodies and perhaps mind that I never thought I would ever do outside of any sane relationship that I have had in my life. I never even thought I would forget about the question of gender.
I was close to all of them, closer to none other before but I was especially close of one; that up and coming Star Circle member that was about to jump networks. He was the first one to laugh at my lame jokes, the first one to put his arms around me during the harder sequences that drained all of us of emotions, in fact he was the first one to share a cry with me when we heard the songs that reminded us of parts of our lives that have been unearthed as the days of workshop progressed. I was confused about what I was feeling for him. I was beginning to see him in a different light. I did not like it and I began to distance myself during the last few days of workshops.
It all ended so soon. Before we knew it, we were skinned to the bone, weary and glad that everything was over., but sad of the inevitable parting. For one last night we gathered in the apartment of those coming from Manila and partied with the rest of the attendees of the other courses of the Multi-Media workshops. It was a night to end all nights.
Perhaps because of the nonstop consumption of alcohol that is common when artists gather, much more after such a draining experience, I was soon drunk and found myself inside a parked car with an unknown girl in my embrace, making out as if there was no tomorrow. I was struggling with the zipper of my pants while trying to unhook her bra when I saw HIM outside of the car window; HE was leaning on the street lamp post while another girl was leaning on HIM. It was pretty obvious what they were doing, in fact, they were almost doing what I was about to do.
I shut him out of my thoughts, but somehow what was foremost in my mind but a few moments ago did not give me as much enjoyment then, I had to keep my mind on the deed not to lose the erection that was hardest just seconds back.
I did not remember much after that, I came and I must have driven the girl home and went back to the party to fall asleep on one of the beds there. I can’t remember all the details but what I do know is that I woke up to the sound of muffled laughter and music, the party still going on. It was probably nearer day than night but the room I was in was dark and I was lying on my side, arms wrapped around me from behind. I did not move nor looked behind me; it was too dark to have a glimpse of who it was but I could hear the gentle breathing of somebody in deep slumber. My heart began to thump something fierce inside the confines of my ribcage. I felt fear as I realized who it was. I was inside HIS arms, and I could feel his breath and lips at the back of my neck!

LARUANG LALAKE

2010-07-08T06:47:00.000-07:00

(Some pictures taken by LEX)

OF COMIC BOOKS AND THE REAL WORLD

2010-07-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

(The birth of KEVIN KELLER)

The world of Comics has always been a much-to-real reflection of what happens in the real world. Yeah, I know you will say that the comics universe have the superheroes and villains that are totally “non-human” and are gifted with the supernatural abilities and powers that could not ever be deemed as “true”. But then again, my statement comes from the fact that these super creatures are living lives that reflect our own; with problems and issues that surprisingly mirror that of the mundane. To make a point clear, didn’t you ever think that the X-Men were just a bunch of outcasts, more like the outsiders of any existing societies? And then there are the other comics that have been our companions from our childhood and have even managed to influence how cultures are being formed.

These literary and artistic works have been populated by a myriad collection of personalities that are almost as known as real persons. In fact, they have a longer lifespan if we really look into it. Well, who among us can’t recognize nor know somehow of the lives of Clark Kent (Superman), Bruce Wayne (Batman), Peter Parker (Spiderman) & Logan (Wolverine) etc. etc. These men are probably more recognizable to us than say, Peter Moore? See, you don’t even know the producer of the Narnia movies who I’m mentioning here for another reason (more on him later).

Well to those who are “pink” inclined, didn’t it ever enter your nosy minds if any of these characters were “closeted”? And I’m not even referring to Superman’s penchant for phone booths. Correct! Is any of these “hunks” gay? Does any of these men in tights eyeing other things that are obviously visibly evident in other tights? I don’t know about you but I did ask that question and got the surprise of my life!

Does anybody know an X-men character named ANOLE? Northstar? (Although Wolverine killed him!!! Bad Wolverine!) Hulkling and Wiccan? Shatterstar? YES, these superheroes are gay! In fact, some of them are “seeing” each other. Talk about “up, up and away!”, and these are only the openly gay characters.

In fact, Stan Lee (creator of Spiderman and a hotshot in the Marvel and Comics Universe) said in one of his interviews that there are still other known characters out there that are still in the “dark” about their sexuality. Tsk tsk tsk! And because of the growing acceptance of the “3rd sexual lifestyle” a gay superhero character is being developed for a TV series based from the book “HERO” written by Peter Moore (here he is again, producer and now author of a book that I already ordered from National Bookstore).

Now this is great news for PLUs. And here is another one!

I don’t know about you guys, but one of the comic books that have always been visible to me was Archie Comics. I remember his’ and his pal’s antics as they lived their complex and often funny lives in Riverdale. I know everybody recognizes Veronica, Reggie, Betty and Jughead. Now, does anybody know who Kevin Keller is? Of course nobody does considering he will make his first appearance this September through Veronica #202!

Yes, Archie Comics, that safe haven-for-all that is Riverdale has its first ever openly-gay character. The new hunk (yes he is a hottie) on the block will have Veronica running after him to the amuse of Jughead. Well, this surely is a start of something new. I haven’t read Archie in awhile but this turn will make me read it once again. If only to find out if he makes out with any other character (I mean how could we really know if he was gay – right?, me and my dirty mind).

Now, I’m waiting for September! Let go ahead and see what Kevin has in store for us, and to think it’s a very widely read comic book. Finally, I know that world is truly starting to get the outlook that we have all been waiting for. Welcome Kevin Keller!

A SHOWER, FEATHERS AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF ARTISTS (Otherwise known as PJ is nice, Sam is shy, no wonder Mark is a Prince & damn the cameraman is HOT!)

2010-07-05T07:46:00.000-07:00

As a former closeted fan of indie films, I have always been infinitely curious about what happens in front of the camera. As much as these films kept on winning international film festival, this was not the reason why I watched them. I have had countless dreams of subconsciously made-up scenarios; awake and otherwise, of young “up and coming” actors parading in front of me in various stages of undress. Those were the days (and nights) of visions of Antonio, Mateo and even Tito Jo! I knew that it was every PLU’s longing to be a witness of this most mysterious and intriguing of rituals – the making of an indie gay film.

And lo and behold, I had a chance to see the first day shoot of Jay Altarejos’ “LARUANG LALAKI”. First time producer and writer par excellence Lex Bonife gave an ALL ACCESS pass to a number of loyal followers of LEXUALITY, his blog. And with the excitement, apprehension and the giddiness of someone about to lose his cheery for the first time, I rode a cab armed with an artillery of expectations and a barrage of unspoken questions.

I literally counted the minutes, munching on a burger at the corner joint where I’m supposed to meet Lex. My heart was doing cartwheels; butterflies were having a field day in my stomach and for some unknown reason my pants were a little tight. And there he was, strolling outside Tropical Hut, his eyes wandering about; probably looking for an overeager, voyeuristic, crazed fan – in this case, me! I raised my hand in deference while he was talking to two others right outside, I’m sure they are people like me, overly glad and excited to be given this chance at seeing our fantasies being made.

I had a lot of preconceived notions of what to expect, I daydreamed of what I wanted to see. And boy did I shatter those expectations! What I had was even better!

I walked a few minutes to the set, and with each buoyant step, my heart was doing its thing; like a live fish was twitching inside the cavity of my chest. And I found myself inside a gaybar, half filled with people of all preferences and a lot of nameless faces that otherwise looked good – especially young guys in tight looking pants and meticulously styled hair which I later found out were “auditionees”.

OMG!

I’m in a gaybar with yummy looking young men and all I could do was continuously drag on my cigarette and take quick sips from a bottle of mineral water. I accidentally swallowed my tongue from the moment I stepped in. I was deaf-mute and thinking nobody probably could understand sign language.

“What am I doing here?” I asked myself and immediately answered back “You’re here because you’re a prick!”

I looked around me and everybody was oblivious to everybody else, they were busy with their own stuff; everyone was doing things that looked familiar to me yet, unbelievably did not register. Until I saw that the guy beside me was just sitting there with a shy look on his face and after awhile he just lied down on the sofa. Cool, there is at least somebody else who feels awkward here. That’s when the Production Assistant called him...”Arjay”. Oppss, I was right beside Arjay Carreon! Talk about awkwardness.

Since the director and some of the other actors were somewhere else doing “day” scenes, I got up and strolled around. That’s when I decided to observe what all the rest of the crew were doing. I realized a movie set is a complex system of specialties. From the staff members, to the camera men (one of them is definitely hot by the way), to the bit players, to the production, to the actors etc. etc. I became conscious that I was in a roomful of very special artists. It was then that I lost the “malice” that I was thinking about, considering im in an indie set with a very interesting and thought provoking title. I thought I was an artist myself until I saw the dedication and the almost static energy of creativity around me. My respects and admiration flowed to each and everyone.

The shoot was a memorable experience. To wrap it up without putting in spoilers for the benefit of the thousands of audiences that this movie will generate, I will sum it up that it would be one of the most talked about film in months to come (not that I know anything much about the story other than the bits and pieces that I was able to pierce together) .

All I can say right now is; Marco Morales is a nice guy with a very magnetic presence, Arjay Carreon is shy with an intense personality and tremendous angst (and very cute), Mark Xander Fabillar deserves to be called (vegan)prince being able to look like an angel after toiling it off the whole day, Direk Jay did it once again by stirring my innards with the right amount of tingling (bet you tremble when you hear him call out: “SAAN KO ILALAGAY YAN? DITO SA HARAP? GANDA NG PROPS NYO AH, (pertaining to a gold cd) PRODUCTION NASAAN NA ANG PROPS NA BINILI NYO KANINA?”) (I really felt like I’m in the movie like I did watching Ang LARO NG BUHA Y NI JUAN, only this time its literally: “Jusko, ang pera natin sa dalawang presscon inubos mo sa iisang lalaki lang?” – hahahaha) and Lex Bonife is my idol in all sense of the word. Mon Confiado, Richard Quan and the rest of the cast were superb to watch; you can almost see them shift from real life to character. And I should not forget those 3 appealing dancers.

In summary, all I want you to really know is watch out for the bath scene, the feathers and the product of a whole bunch of artists. LARUANG LALAKI is something I can’t almost wait to see.

Thank you Lex for the life-changing experience and to the other bloggers (Joey, Joeman and my “scene”mate) I now consider my friends, see you all around again and I hope soon!

SUNSHINE & the bright BLUE SKY!!!

2010-05-08T06:02:00.001-07:00

Election day is nearing. We cannot even forget that fact even if we try. To mention the obvious, it should be the most common thought that runs through our minds these past few days; what with the almost unending commercials that is being blasted across all media, the often irritating music that is being incessantly loops from countless speakers all over the country, not counting the junk posted all over any available surface with saccharine-sweet smiling faces of candidates taken decades ago when they were still young and energetic.

A lot of us are ready with our own choices as i'm sure that still others are contemplating who among the multitude they will chose to represent their causes, yet some still wondering how much their ballot may cost. Some have chosen and discarded their initial choices as they listen to all the dirt being thrown across each candidate's camp. In the end, its still our own subconscious that will decide on who will better help us for the next years to come.

Candidates have promised everything from making everybody else rich to transportation wonders to housing to food on the table to non corruption. I've been half expecting to hear any of them promising anybody that will listen that they will give us the moon or the stars or whatever. Maybe even world peace. Some I'm sure will probably believe!

But for the past three months that we have allowed them to show us what they will do for the country, are we not finally tired of all these promises that at the end of the day still sound lame and conjured from the people's wants and needs and expectations? Can we truly believe that they could deliver?

Can the man who professes to be poor give us all the riches that will make us like him? An ambitious man who fortunately for him, has made a name of himself? Can he multiply that a million folds for all of us? Or do we ultimately just have to help ourselves?

Can the man who claims intellectual mastery usher us to a better future? In a jet at that? Would he lend us his intellect so that we can make decisions as soundly as he could? Like forget the call of family because he has parallel motives or plans? I wonder what my cousins would say?

Can somebody whom we have given a chance to sit on a the seat of inadequacy be given back that seat so that he can be more discrete? Are second chances even given in government seats? I voted for him once, I wonder if I could force my arms and fingers to do the same again?

Is heroism genetic? Hmmm, then that makes me a hero as well. Is this the same with leadership?

Now with all the brouhaha that is happening all over us, what I can really suggest is for us to sit in a quiet corner and think. Listen to what our subconscious is telling us. Who do we believe? Whose words are ultimately sincere? Who has compassion? Who has our trust?

And this is what I have decided.

I want sunshine and the brightness of a new day. A country with a leader that has managed to glue together the people for a common cause regardless of social class. A man who is a man and unafraid to show that he is a man; can be hurt, can fail and unafraid to admit so and more importantly a man who will listen to what each of us need. A president who has compassion, does not promise to deliver seemingly improbable things yet, promises to take into accounting what we have as country right now and take it from there - that I can believe - that I possible to do!

Now to support him, I want the bright BLUE sky!

A vice president that has a tract record of service to people; that although he was not born poor has the heart of the poor in mind. A man who can sacrifice his dreams so that the country could rally as one, and sacrificing a dream is the single most difficult decision to make. I admire the man who can honestly say , "Country above self".

Him - rather than somebody who claims to have "made" a city that has otherwise been there even before, a woman who does not even know loyalty, a traffic man who sings etc. etc.

These are my choices, I know I have made the right ones. I hope you will too!!!

Goodluck on NOYNOY and MAR...God bless the Philippines!

Lexuality: Ladlad & Noy

2010-04-21T23:14:00.000-07:00

Lexuality: Ladlad & Noy

Can you relate?

2009-12-01T06:49:00.000-08:00

*I found this write up in a gay social site... it totally cracked me up!!!

I copied a list of terminologies that are somehow applicable in this site and i was amused and find it ok to share. happy reading;

1. STRAIGHT ACTING = Alam na ng lahat na bading siya puwera siya! May goatee. Mahilig sa mga boys na pandak na mukhang callboy at gumagamit ng Aficionado perfume.

2. GYM BODY = Does nothing the whole day but cruise inside the gym and the showers. Longest relationship was with a dumbbell.

3. BUFFED = Steroid-induced pecs and abs. Knows all sources of good protein. Favorite word: "Dude!" (Pronounced as “Dod”)

4. NO EFFEMS = Thinks that having a relationship with someone effeminate makes him a lesbian.

5. SEVEN-INCH DICK = Asus. In reality, 5 inches lang naman talaga. In gay inches kasi, you always add two more inches to everything you measure.

6. YM ME = Jealous type. Ayaw ng competition sa chatroom.

7. I'M NOT EASY TO GET = Desperate but trying to sound choosy.

8. I'M HERE FOR SEX = I'm here for sex.

9. HANDSOME GUYS ONLY = “I am a shallow dork and I have a brain the size of a walnut. Did I mention even my dog hates me?”

10. JUST HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS = Did not make any friends in Friendster. Was kicked out of Dogster because they found out he does not have a dog.

11. GOOD IN BED = Needs a place to crash in but cant afford a pension house. The things he does for a good night’s sleep.

12. WHAT'S YOUR PASSWORD? = “I'm so horny I want to jerk off now.” Cant afford a paysite kaya kuntento na sa mga x-rated pics ng members.

13. TOP = Has had more girlfriends than boyfriends.

14. BOTTOM = Has very bad knee injury, hindi makaluhod para kumadyot.

15. I'M NICE = Dull, boring and has the personality of an ironing board.

16. I'M BAD = Just swallowed a dozen viagra pills. Has a tattoo, nipple ring and wears an ukay-ukay leather jacket during summer.

17. THIS GUY'S MAILBOX IS FULL = Hindi maka-check ng inbox kasi walang pambayad para sa internet café.

18. "WALA LANG" = Has a ten-word vocabulary which includes “cool”,“hi”,“wassup”, “he”, “ha” and “tnx.” Longest word he can write is his name.

19. I AM ATTACHED = Cannot mention the word love. Has commitment problems.

20. I LOVE TO TRAVEL = Looking for a sponsor for next overseas trip. Always starts a sentence with "When I was in Europe..." Then you ask: "Saan sa Europe?" He says: "Ah... sa city mismo!" Wow. Europe City.

21. IF YOU'RE NOT CUTE, DONT EVEN BOTHER = Lonely and miserable. Nobody takes care of him when he gets sick. Has 500 “friends” in Friendster kasi approve lang nang approve kahit hindi nya kilala.

22. I AM SENSITIVE, LOVING, CARING AND HONEST = You are probably reading your mother's G4M account.

23. I GIVE GOOD MASSAGE/EXTRA SERVICE = A masseur who got suspended where he worked because he wears too much foundation.

24. MY MOBILE NUMBER IS = Tawagan mo ako kasi wala akong load.

25. NO PIC, NO REPLY = Nabasa lang niya ito sa ibang profile kaya ginaya na rin niya. Ni hindi niya alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng PIC. Wanna bet?

26. DISCREET = Loves to hang-out in extremely dark places. Haven't even seen any of the faces of all the men he's had sex with. One of the few people who gets excited during blackouts.

27. HAIRY DADDY = Lots of chest hair pero for some strange reason - panot.

28. CURIOUS STRAIGHT MALE = Can’t decide if he’s top or bottom.

29. A BODY PIC WITH NO HEAD = Hipon. Or Wanted by the NBI. Or against sa religion niya ang maging member sa G4M. Or puwede ring tabingi lang siyang kumuha ng picture.

30. KINKY = May collection ng large Liwanag candles na pang-undas. May bote ng petroleum jelly sa ilalim ng kama. Go figure.

31. SWIMMER’S BOD = Used to be gym-bod. Nagkasakit kaya pumayat.

32. FLAWLESS COMPLEXION = Photoshop beauty. Blurred. Dodged. Liquified.

33. VIRGIN PA AKO = Chances are virgin pa nga ito. Who in his right mind would be proud to be still a virgin?

34. VIEW MY WEBCAM = Frustrated Pinoy Big Brother contestant.

35. DON’T TEXT, CALL ME = Sira ang LCD ng 3210 niya kaya hindi niya mababasa ang text niyo! Tawagan niyo na lang, please lang.

36. I’M A SEX MACHINE = Disease carrier. Ouch!

38. QUIET AND SOFT-SPOKEN = Probably dead.

39. MACHO = Sinusundan ang Masculados sa lahat ng mall tours nila. Uses WD-40 as lubricant.

40. BLANK PROFILE = Has no clue who he is, what he wants and where his life is going. Puwedeng isama sa cast ng LOST.

42. MESSAGE ME = What he really wanted to say in tagalog was: "Gusto kong magpamasahe sa iyo." Baka typo error lang.

43. HOMEBODY = Unemployed guy. A bum. Free-loader. Professional home-partner contestant in Eat Bulaga, Wowowee and Game Ka Na Ba.

44. OUT-GOING PERSONALITY = He's just saying this to bring attention to himself. Pero sa totoo lang siya pa rin si HOMEBODY, the unemployed guy.

45. I DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX = Only has sex when in formal wear, like when he is in a Barong Tagalog, for example.

46. LOOKING FOR A SOULMATE = A former member of Spirit Questors. Enjoys supernatural relationships. Cant handle the stress of the physical world.

47. I AM NOT HANDSOME = Take his word for it. He's being honest for chrissakes!

48. I'M HANDSOME, INTELLIGENT, GORGEOUS = Perfect na sana tong taong ito -- ugali
na lang ang problema.

49. STUDENT = Has insatiable thirst for knowledge... and sex. But remember: pag may STUDENT, may TUITION FEE na kasunod.

50. I AM MESTIZO = Contact lenses from Tutuban, skin peeling by Maxipeel, hair color by Tsin Tsan Tsu and rhinoplasty from Ellen's. Speaks a little chabakano.

51. SHY TYPE = No serious love since birth.

52. I’M SENSIBLE = Can carry a simple conversation for 2 minutes. Beyond that he simply moans.

53. I’M A MAN OF THE WORLD = He wants to make it clear to everyone that, YES, he is from this planet.

54. I’M A REAL PERSON = People have often mistaken him for an ornamental plant in the past.

55. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET = He has no plans of changing for the better. He is completely content with himself. Little motivation in life.

56. I’M NOT JUST INTERESTED IN SEX = Joined G4M as part of his research in molecular physics and Asian Religious Beliefs.

57. LOOKING FOR BADMINTON BUDDIES = In search for the perfect shuttle COCK. He wants to SCORE big. Naghahanap ng RACKET. And he really wants to SERVE.

58. BISEXUAL = A “top” with girls, a “bottom” with guys. And willing to pay for sex. Get it?

59. BOYTOY = It’s very clear that he wants everyone to know that he is young. And he has a toy. Now, Whether he is willing to share that toy is negotiable.

60. DOG-LOVER = A hot bitch who likes it dog-style. Loyal. Man’s best-friend. Pees everywhere. Doesn’t mind if you tie him up to a fence.

61. YOU THINK I’M HOT? = He’s not really sure if he IS hot. Needs a second opinion. And a third. The fourth will probably convince him… that he is NOT.

62. NATURE-LOVER = Very kind to nature… considering what nature has done to him.

63. MALIBOG AKO = Masturbates five times a day. Has 80GB of pornography in his PC. Has the complete collection of phone scandal videos. Watches National Geographic to see naked men hunting wild boar.

64. COWBOY = Has seen Brokeback Mountain too many times. He talks to his cigarette and says: “I wish I could quit you!”

65. I’M SIMPLE YET COMPLICATED = Uhm… this one really blows me. Probably manic depressive.

66. NO CROSS-DRESSERS = Doesn’t want to share his satin gowns.

67. DERETSO AKONG TAO = Has a very strong back. Drinks Anlene Gold regularly.

68. I DARE YOU TO SEE ME IN PERSON = Unfortunately, nobody dared.

69. COME AND GET ME = No one is sure if this is an invitation, a request or a cry for help.

70. TYPICAL GUY = He has two arms, two legs, a nose, a pair of eyes… uh, what else. Oh yes, a penis.

71. SELF-MADE MAN = He appeared into this world just by his sheer power of thought.

72. CANDY BOY = Wants to be licked allover. Comes in three flavors: BAGONG LIGO, PAWISAN and LUMUSOB SA BAHA.

73. I AM SENSITIVE = Can sense an earthquake even before it happens. He is now being studied by scientists to warn the human race of future tsunamis.

74. I HAVE A WONDERFUL MIND = His temporal lobe, anterior commissure and medulla will give you a hard-on. Oh, yes… he has a pornographic memory.

75. I AM THE LIFE OF THE PARTY = A Boyoyong party clown.

76. DECENT GUY = Wipes his feet before entering a massage parlor. Brushes his teeth after giving someone a blowjob. Says a little prayer before and after sex. Confesses regularly... on his knees.

77. OPEN-MINDED = His brain is everywhere except in his head. A perfect medium for séances.

78. COME OVER AND LET’S HAVE SEX = Thinks that Guys4Men is a delivery service.

79. HOPELESS ROMANTIC = Believes that love is eternal. Easily trusts everyone. Gullible. Sinampal na ng syota pero naniniwalang pinatay lang ang lamok lang sa pisngi niya. Thinks Erap is innocent.

80. I AM FUNNY = That fact that he has to say that he is funny is hilarious.

81. PURE TOP = Has a ten-picture exclusive contract with a porno film outfit which prevents him from being a bottom. Will only become a bottom when the 'right' project comes.

82. EXTREME TOP FOR EXTREME BOTTOMS ONLY = Will only have passionate sex with an Extreme Magic Sing microphone shoved up their asses.

83. TRIPPER = Has a marijuana plantation in his backyard. Uses tie-dyed shirts, showers twice a month and responds to "Tsong." Does not a have a day job.

84. ASTIG 2 ASTIG LANG = A former seaman. Ideal places for sex: barracks, breakwater, inside a jail cell. Must have during sex: handcuffs, Purico cooking lard and a cd of Aegis.

85. POTILYA - malandi

86. LETSI - letche as in leche

87. IL O IL - laughing out loud in the bisayas no offense to the visayans kasi ako isa rin.

88. KALURKEE - from COGs nakakaloka

89. ANIL ITEL? - what is this?

90. GAONNNNNN - salutation with a fellow ilonggo

91. GATOTTTTTT - the same as gaon

92. JUMANJI - TAWAG SA MGA MATATANDA NA FEELING BATA PA LOLS

93. HEBOR - SUMASAYA PAG NAKIKITA O NARIRINIG O NAKAKACHAT ANG TYPE NA MAGING JHOWW

94. BURNIK - BALAHIBO SA ILONG NA HUMAHABA SA PA

My views LADLAD issue!

2009-11-19T04:47:00.000-08:00

What gives a man his freedom to be what he is in our society? What requirements must he have, to be able to function as a member of our democracy? And how can he/she be sure that he/she has somebody looking out for his/her welfare; that somebody out there has his/her interest in mind simply because they share the same way of life? And who has the right to curtail these individuals of a chance of being represented in a country that still does not truly understand what we are all going through?

In Philippine society, members of the third sex has always been an easy target of criticism. Only in recent years has there been a little understanding on our existence, a sort of acceptance that we exist and thrive. But still, no "straight" person has really delved deep into what we need and what we all fight hard for. Yes, we cannot claim that everyone else has accepted that we are neither a population of sick people, a mutation of what they call "normal".

But what is really normal? The hypocrisy of the so called religious? The "sacred" bond of man and wife that ends in domestic violence? The sanctity of a "straight" marriage that often ends with adultery and covetousness; and a sense of loss not only for one or both couple but heartache for the children as well. What is so MORAL with this scenario? It would be right to say that these things happen with same sex couples more often than not but thats just it, we were not given the chance to be able to make our own faults.

We, the Filipino members of the LGTs have been absently represented in society. Let me rephrase that, there are "closet" members of our community in the government seats and in all groups. But there has been never a formal representation of our causes and ideals. Some say that these are but "immoral" lifestyles and demands and that we should desist in our aim to be heard but how could anybody understand when even a chance at a voice has been curtailed by the COMELEC.

The LADLAD was our one and only chance to finally realize that we are free members of this country. A country that we have helped in countless ways with our talents, our intellect and our unending drive to sow love and understanding. But to what extent? Shall we forever remain as a "closet" voice and not recognized as a driving force in society? What is so "immoral" in our wish to be heard and to contribute better in the growth of a country that we equally love like all the rest of you?

My frustration stems out not only to the declaration of our voice null and void. This is not aimed only at the COMELEC but to the people who call themselves christians yet, refuse to understand. To the journalists (On Target, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Nov. 19, 2009) that continue to crucify us even when we have lossed the initial step. And to those of you who rejoice in the tape that was stapled to our lips and the bonds that were tied to our gentle hands.

We are who we are, we never chose nor asked to be who we are but never the less we are proud of what we have become. We do not dwell on the mundane and are generally simple people but we are human beings as well. We will eventually learn to fight back if we are pushed endlessly to the corner. We are certainly out of the closet but you still continue to push us inside the confines with the cobwebs of anonymity.

To my brothers and sisters, let us not be silent and stand up to what is truly our rights. We are but a portion of the society but hand and hand we can all do this together.

So I end this simple write up with more questions: What can we do to be heard? What can we do to help each other in our quest of equality? Who gives them the right to call us immoral in a community that has been striving in "immorality" from the "normalcy" of it all? Who give them the freedom to hurt us and stop us in our quest to plant the seeds of love, friendship, and service to all when all that we ask is for them to give us a chance to open our arms shower them with all the colors of the rainbow.

Don't cry my friends, someday we will be heard!

KING (Storyline)

2009-11-18T05:23:00.000-08:00

KING
Ang Paglalakbay ni Marlon
A storyline by: Snakey Dreyfus

*This is a storyline that aims to explore the mysteries behind the lives of Male Pageant enthusiasts.; from the managers, make-up artists, producers, sponsors, fans and especially the young men who willing or not are a class unto themselves. This story is a draft for a screenplay that shall depict what goes behind the facade of most of these so called hunks - demystifying what others could not understand, and what most find intriguing.

**Sorry i'm not very good with tagalog although the script would definitely be in Filipino. and this is just a guide, its not even written properly...heheheh

Marlon is a 19 year old provinciano who went to Manila after his mother’s death. At the beginning of the story, we see him riding inside a full packed bus loaded with people delivering produce and vegetables from a far away province. The bus is in route to Manila, we see Marlon standing at the middle of the bus deep in thought.

Scene shifts to a sleeping Roel, his clothes are slept in from a night of drinking and we see that his room is cluttered. The cellphone that he holds will ring. The caller is Justin. From their conversation we learn that Justin, was informed that he was chosen as a finalist for a male pageant that Roel has been preparing for the past year. Another phone, a landline will ring from outside Roel’s room. It would be Roel’s manager informing him that he was not one of the chosen finalists. Roel will be angry and tells his manager, Denver that they have to go to the organizers to ask about why he was not chosen.

Meanwhile, Roel’s Mom is preparing the guest room as her nephew, Marlon is coming to live with them.

Marlon arrives at the bus station and calls his aunt, receiving instructions on how to get to their house after he declined to be fetched from the bus stop.

Roel, newly showered and changed leaves his house in a hurry to go to the office of the organizers of the pageant. In his haste, he does not see Marlon walking in front of him and bumps him accidentally. They do not know each other since they both grew up in different places and met when they were still little boys. Roel will be pissed and curses Marlon who is still confused and dazed on everything that is the city. Roel leaves fuming while Marlon asks a passerby and gets directed to his aunts (Roel’s) house.

Marlon and his aunt, Mrs. Vinzon talk about things. We learn that Marlon’s Dad is somewhere in Manila and that he has not seen or heard from him in years. His mother died of TB and that he does not have any siblings. He left a girlfriend back in the province who he dreams of marrying someday.

At the office of the Search for Men of Asia – Philippines, we meet the finalists: Janrick, a tv commercial celebrity down on his luck but not lacking in confidence; in fact he is oozing with it to the point of being condescending to everyone else, Darryl, a winner of a local male pageant; he is the major contender and is obvious that everyone looks up to him, JR, a smart first timer whose really wants to win; he will do anything to land in the top 10 where the question & answer is coz he believes that this will his only ticket to the crown, Justin, Roel’s gym buddy who was overweight before but is now ready to show a body that is brought by his hard work, Emilio, an effeminate metrosexual who believes that sexuality should not be a question in joining contests such as this one; he looks like an angel (Belami Model), Marvin, he does not want to join but was forced to because his gf is an avid fan of male pageants, Bryan, the shady “suki” of pageants; he has joined in countless ones but has never won any top prize…(other additional candidates)

Also we meet: Enrique de la Paz – the organizer of the pageant who relies too much on the would be sponsors yet does not have the funds to bring most of his plans to competion.

Jandy – a gay make-up artist who acts as if he is somebody important simply because he is Enrique’s assistant

Vincie – manager of Darryl, he dropped one of the other candidates from his support because he feels that Darryl is the winner even before the start of activities

These people are doing an orientation of the pageant when Roel storms in asking why he was not chosen. He learns that his manager is also managing Justin and that there are still 2 slots left but the organizers would not give it to him. Jandy challenges him that if he can be a better manager then maybe he can be part of the search but not as a candidate. They say that he just does not have it.

Challenged by Jandy’s words, Roel realized that he just might be able to pull it off! Outside the office, he accidentally met Bryan and got to talk with him. We learn that Bryan is a tripper and that he would do anything for money, and Roel is not straight!

Early morning, Roel is having breakfast when his mom comes in. He was scolded again but he is not listening anyway. His mom calls Marlon and when he finally sees his cousin, he is interested. He convinces Marlon to join with promises of money and that if he gets to be well known he will finally meet his father.

When he takes Marlon to the organizers, everyone is pretty excited because of his looks and body. Instantly he is on of the finalists. Roel decides that he use the name King as stage name.

Pictorials, rehearsals, fittings…online chats to collect more sponsors…other candidates use the chat to get money from foreign fans (especially Bryan)…online voting…candidates get closer to each other…

During one of the overnight photoshoot in a resort, the candidates get to drinking behind the organizer’s back. Marlon gets drunk and Emilio gets his way with him. Marlon questions his sexuality from then on, especially when he finds out that Justin and Janrick are a couple.

Conflict happens when Bryan finds out that Marlon is getting ahead to being everyone’s favorite. He bedevils JR into plotting something to get Marlon out of the picture although JR really does not know the plan behind. Bryan asks JR to ask Marlon and the other boys to go out drinking after their rehearsals. The others agree if JR would treat them and he agreed because he thought that Bryan would be paying.

Bryan’s plan was to humiliate everyone, especially Marlon by them not paying so that the organizers will disqualify them from the pageant leaving Bryan as a strong contender. He gets all of them drunk and partying at an expensive bar and leaves them there. Closing time comes, they could not pay and had to resort to ways to get out of it. They had to sell themselves to the gay owner so as not to be taken to the police. Everyone blames JR.

When the organizers found out, it was JR who is disqualified, making him fuming mad at Bryan.

Bryan plots against Bryan…

Prepageant night, Marlon finally meets his dad, who turns out to be a rich business man whose company sponsors Darryl. Enrique de la Paz realizes that he funds are not enough to give out the prizes to the winners and to pay for the bills of the pageant. Bryan learns that JR is out to get him…Roel discovers the plot but JR sees him and bounds and gags him inside his car.

Pageant night…JR is carrying a gun amidsts the audience waiting for the right time to shoot Bryan. Roel struggles to get out of the car where he is bound. During the announcement of winners, Marlon is 1st runner up leaving the floor to Bryan who is the winner when Roel burst out from the wings shouting!!! Marlon turns and gets the bullet!!! Blackout!!!

Marlon is riding in a bus much different from before… he is going home but only to visit. He has finally found himself and would soon be back to manila in another stage, in another pageant… where he will certainly be KING!!!

BE STILL!

2009-10-25T01:02:00.000-07:00

*This story is the story of one of the members of the Coffee Club
(THE STORY OF BOY)

The silhouette of his robust figure shrouded in smoke against the open window was how I remember him that fateful day; when I finally got the chance to know him inside out. Sitting there, forever lighting a cigarette after cigarette as evidenced by the overflowing ashtray in front of us, mindlessly sipping and refilling his glass with cheap rum. His tears non-stop, though when you look at him, he does not even seem to realize that they've been falling for hours.

I was merely looking at him; listening, nodding from time to time, injecting questions to guide him further into his tale. A story that was ending right then and there even though the conclusion was happening elsewhere without him.

He was so much older than I was, the mentor and trainer of the performing troupe that I joined a few months before. But because of our mutual interests, we bonded much like brothers that have just met after years of being apart. And though, I was not even the closest to him, I was just there at that moment when he needed somebody to listen.

A loud beep stopped him in mid sentence and automatically, like a robot, he reached for his cellphone and read the message. His face, contorted with pain. How much more he could take I truly did not know but I saw him control the emotions that was relatively obvious on his features. With what little resolve he had left, he took a deep breath and looked unseeingly back at me.

I knew that he was seeing other things other than my physical presence.

"He is walking down the aisle now, its almost over!"

That was all he said, then excused himself to go to the restroom where I heard a heartbreaking sob that tore at my core. I was equally devastated although I knew that what he was experiencing was nowhere near what I had gone through until then.

Boy's story, the one that is ending for him today started 9 years before. He was a young teacher, newly reinstated to the local college after a 3 year stint in Japan teaching English proficiency. Though he was not that goodlooking, he possessed a charisma that made everyone think of him as a buddy, a bestfriend. And it was that year when he met Jose!

Jose was a freshman, a working student being a child of working farmers. But what he lacked in finances, he made up in brains and the will to succeed and make somebody out of himself. Like Boy, he was not much to look at but for the young teacher, he possessed a magnetism that somehow sparked his interest.

"He was not handsome, neither is he until now. In fact, when I first saw him, he reminded me of enthic minorities that one studies in books. Those same people that I teach the students of my history class. But then, there is something in him that made me want to get to know him more!" Boy told me earlier when he was but starting his tale.

"Well, it was not hard for us to be closer since he lives at the boarding house right next to this building. You see that shack across the street? That was where he used to live! Of course, after a few months, he moved in with me!" Boy revealed, pointing at the rundown house right across the window where we were sitting.

From what he told me, it was a learning process for both of them. It was the first time for him to have a lover living with him, a young one at that, and for Jose, it was his first time living with somebody as well, a gay man at that!

There were trying times, happy times but even though there were snide stories from neighbors and co-workers, they soon stopped. Jose, evidently was there to stay.

He did not ask for money even if Boy would have given him eveything that he needed, but because of his upbringing, he continued to work for his studies. And after graduation, when one would have guessed that things would be over, still, Jose stayed.

Working for a nearby business, and Boy still working at the local college, they lived as a normal couple; or as normal as things could ever be. Parents from both sides supporting them in their decision to be as one, people around them recognizing that they were who they were. And things stayed good, or better even, now that they both knew what would make the other one happy. It was an enriching partnership.

And it stayed that way for 9 whole years!

Until Jose met Liezl.

A man is still a man. Whether he has lived with a gay man for almost a decade. Sure, he has feelings for Boy, but they were just not enough.

"Had you been a real woman, I would have married you years ago." were his words to his partner.

What could Boy do but remain silent.

The fights were bitter when it happened. Harsh and physical. Words were biting and more scarring than the bodily pains both of them could have inflicted to the other. But after, it ended in a hug, a shared cry and an almost masochistic tumble in bed.

But still that did not erase Liezl.

And now, Jose and his bride are walking down the aisle to spend the rest of their years together. Jose wanted him to attend as one of the "ninongs" but Boy could not find the strength to see them tie themselves in matrimony while the same strings that bind them would be the same strings that will tug at the heart that beats within himself.

So here we are. Sitting together in his darkened kitchen, staring at the window where we can see the old boarding house where he met the person who made him whole; even for but a short time. Drinking inexpensive bottles upon bottles of rum, smoking unending sticks of Marlboro. As if the vices will somehow dull the pain of his impending solitude.

I can hear his pitiful sobs. And much as I want to comfort him, I knew I could not do anything for him now. For him, his life might be ending with the start of his love's married life.

A lone tear streamed across my cheeks and fell to the table, I could not stop myself from feeling a small portion of his pain as questions filled my young mind. What if this is what is waiting for me? A life where I will be given a chance at being happy and then snatched from right under me... Should I not allow anyone else to have a hold of my feelings the way Boy allowed Jose in? Am I cursed to be alone for the rest of my long years to come? Would I ever be happy? As happy as how Boy was before today?

I really do not know the answer... until now, a few years has passed since I sat there alone, sitting in from of the rapidly darkening window, smoking the last cigarette, listening to Boy's heartbreaking sobs while I whispered to my heart .... Be still!!!

*The stories of the other three members of the Coffee Club (Boy, Tata, Gil, Felix) will be posted soon!

BASEY/BASTE

2009-10-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

*Some people thought this was interesting, so I'll tell you how I got to know the person behind the story. **Names of persons have been changed to protect myself (hehehe) and the identity of all the characters this was based in.

Hindi lang pagiging bakla ang mahirap tanggapin...
minsan mahirap ding tanggapin ang pagiging lalaki!

Una kong nakita si Baste sa call center kung saan magsisimula akong magtetraining. At dahil trainee nga, di sanay sa puyatang trabaho. Halos walang kakilala maliban na lang sa kokonting pamilyar na mukha na nakasabay ko sa interview o sa contract signing mga iilang araw pa lamang ang nakallilipas. Bagong salta kasi sa Maynila tuloy, nag-iisa, panay higop sa mainit na kape, naghihintay ng simula ng kauna-unahan kong trabaho.

Doon siya pumasok sa eksena!

Gwapo, matangkad, matipuno, mukhang may kabataan; parang kaedad ko sa murang edad na 22. Matagal pa bago ko malalaman na halos 30 na pala siya!

Malikot ang mga mata nya. Mukhang may hinahanap...nang...maligaw sa inuupuan kong mesa...at dala ang isang tasang kape lumapit at...

"may I have this seat please? all the rest are taken!"

Tumango lang ako, nahihiya, inisip na baka naman nabasa nya ang malibog kong iniisip!

"is this also your first day?" tanong nya...tumango lang ulit ako.

Ngumiti siya, tinititigan ako, parang may malalim na iniisip!

"wag kang mahiya sakin, pareho lang tayong walang ibang kakilala dito. ako nga pala si Sebastian, Baste na lang for short!"

Doon nagsimula ang pagkakilala ko kay Baste, simpleng tao, masayahin, kalog. At doon ko rin nakilala si Basey sa mga kwento nya! Isa ring masayahing tao na inakala kong kababata nya, kakilala sa isang malayong lugar na tawagin nating Bacolod. Eto ang kanyang kwento.

_______________________________________________________

Mula pagkabata kay kakilala na ni Baste si Basey, ulila sa ama't ina kung kaya lumaki sa kapatid ng nanay nyang si Tita Vicky. Bakla si Tita Vicky, medyo may edad na at siyang nagpa-aral at nagturo sa kanya kung paano mamuhay sa mundo. Sa isang mumunting parlor na dinadayuhan ng sandamukal na bakla nagka-isip ang bida ng mga kwento ni Baste. At dahil may kagandahan din ang batang pamangkin, ginawang mistulang manyeka ng mga baklitang walang tigil ang pasok labas ng parlor. Yun ang kinalakihan ni Basey, make-up, bestida at ang mga boylets na dinadala ng mga bading sa tinatawag nyang tirahan. Normal na sa kanya yun, at yun din ang buhay na inakala nyang dapat din ay sa kanya; magpaganda, kumendeng kendeng...magkaboyfriend! Sa ganda nya nung nagdalaga, magkabilaan ang lalaki, sa school, sa parlor, sa kung saan saan. At nakilala nya si Vincent!

Mainit nung araw na yun. Bakasyon kasi, at dahil tumigil sa pag-aaral isang taon na ang nakakalipas, sobrang abala ni Basey sa preparasyon sa sasalihan beauty contest sa gabing yun; fiesta sa barangay nila. Tanghali; sa init ng araw, dala dala ang payong, naka curlers ang mahabang buhok, suot ang shorts na kinulang sa tela, naglalakad ang bida ng kwentuhan namin. Biglang may tumunog na busina, isang truck kung saan sakay ang isang grupo ng criminology students sa isang malapit na kolehiyo, mga magkasali sa parada sa hapon ding iyon. At sa kalagitnaan ... si Vincent.

Tumatak sa isipan ni Basey si Vincent. Gwapo, matangkad, matipuno at taglay ang isang ngiti habang kinakausap ang mga kasama na siyang kuhuha sa pansin ng ating dalaga.

Kinagabihan, reyna na naman siya. At doon sa sayawan, nakitang muli ang ngiti na minsan pa'y umakit sa kanya.

Nagkakilala sila ni Vincent, 2nd crim student na galing sa isang malayong siyudad. NAgkapalitan ng cellphone number, nagkakwentuhan...at yun lang! Labis man ang kagustuhan ng ating reynang makasama man lang sa isang pribadong oras ang binata, may mistulang pader na pumipigil sa kanya. Siguro dahil, may pagkahiyain ang lalaki, maraming kaibigang kasama at galing din mismo sa bibig nya, wala pang karanasan sa anu mang kamunduhan!

Hindi doon natapos ang pagkakaibigan nila. Para yatang na tusok ng pana ni kupido ang ating Basey, kaya yun text ng text. Sabay tawag, sabay panaginip na makitang muli ang lalaking laman na yata ng bawat oras nya. Nalaman nyang innocente nga ang loko, at hanggang text lang daw muna kasi nahihiyang makantyawan ng mga kaibigan. HAnggang lumalim nga ang kanilang pagkakakilala. Yun nga lang, sa text lang!

Nang dumating ang birthday ni Vincent, at dahil nagbobord, umaasa lang sa kakarampot na allowance na pinapadala ng di naman mayamang magulang...nag alok si Basey na cya ang taya ng inuman. Aba, pumayag ang binata sa isang kundisyon, magpagupit ang ating dyosa at magdamit lalaki. Hay, anu pa nga ba ang pwedeng gawin ng Basey kundi ang pumayag. Ganun siya kalalim nabingwit!

Mabait naman ang Vincent, di nga lang sanay!

At ng gabi ring yun, sa una unang pagkakataon, nangyari nga ang inaasam ng lahat! Doon mismo sa boarding house kung saan tumutuloy ang bday boy, doon na kasi pinaglipasan ng gabi ang Basey. Ngunit, kung inakala nyang matatapos na ang lahat pag nakuha nya na ang gusto sa lalaki dun siya nagkamali. Lumalim pa ang kanyang nararamdaman.

Kaya hayon, halos 2 taon na nagsama. Yun nga lang, unti unting binago ni Vincent ang dating kumikendeng na maganda. Maikli na ang buhok, damit lalaki...at sa kagustuhang magsama sila kahit sa mata ng mga kaibigang criminology student, naging asal lalaki na rin ang bruha at nakilala sa pangalang Meg; as in Amigo...Meg!

Maraming pinagdaan ang dalawa, unang pagpapakilala sa pamilya, unang panood ng sine, unang simba! Lahat yun! Unang pagtatalo, unang pagseselos, unang panloloko! Lalaki si Vincent, at kahit dati'y asal babae si Basey, bakla pa rin siya. Di maiwasang nagkagirlfriend ng isang tunay na babae - si Lynn!

Masakit, na dumating din ang araw na may kahati na si Basey sa mahal nya. Pero nung sa huli, nagkakilala din si ni Lynn, nagkaclose dahil sa inakala ng babaeng magbestfriend ang dalawa. Walang date na hindi tatlo sila, walang problema ang magkasintahan na hindi si Basey ang unang nakakaalam. Kung tutuusin, ang araw ay kay Lynn, ang gabi ay kay Basey. Minsan nga mas maraming oras pa ang pagsasama nina Lynn at Basey keysa kay Vincent. At ng parang hindi na matatapos ang pagsasama, dumating ang Abril, graduation ni Vincent!

Malungkot ang araw na yun. Sa bawat isip nila, huling araw na ng pagsasama! Maliban na lang kay Basey at kay Lynn na siyang maiiwan sa eskwela. Si Vincent, pauwi na, ipapadala ng pamilya sa ate nya sa Maynila isang linggo pagkatapos maggraduate para makapag-ipon at makapagreview para sa board.

Iyakan, inuman...pagtatapos! At sa kalasingan, nangyari ang di inaasahan!

Nagsama ang tatlo, sa madilim na kwarto ni Vincent. Nagkahalikan, tatlo sila...papalit palit...pauli-ulit... hanggang natapos ang lahat...at si Basey...nagbago ang tingin sa sarili... PAgdating ng umaga, wala na si Vincent... ang naiwan si Lynn ang hawak hawak sa kama!

Saan na ang dalagang reyna ng beauty pageant? Saan na ang parloristang pakendeng kendeng kung lumakad na soot ang shorts na kulang sa tela? Patay na si Basey!

Sa banyo, hindi mapigilan ni Basey ang umiyak... hagulgol at hikbing hindi mapigil pigil. Sa pag-alis ni Vincent, at sa mga tanong na paulit ulit pumapasok sa ulo nya!!! Pumasok si Lynn, nakahubad pa rin, kinuha ang mukhang puno ng luha, hinalikan at nagsalita!

"alam ko, pero wag kang mag-alala...kasi hindi ka na ang dati, andito ako, iniwan ka nya sa akin!"

Siguro, marami pa ring mga tanong ang gumugulo sa isip ni Basey... o ni Baste kung saan mas kilala cya pagkatapos nun. Siguro nga naging importante talaga cya sa buhay ni Vincent na pulis na ngayon. Anu kaya ang nangyari kung hindi sila nagkakilala? Anu kaya ang nangyari kung hindi si Lynn ang naging syota? Anu kaya?

May anak na si Lynn at Baste, sa totoo nga eh, ninong ako nung isa! At si Vincent naman, ayun, ganap na pulis nga ngunit binabahay ng isang pa ring bakla... siguro nasanay na!

Ang buhay nga naman, ang kulit. Di mo maintindihan, tulad na lang ng buhay ni Basey/Baste!

Ang LARO NG BUHAY NI JUAN!

2009-10-22T05:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a movie comes and reminds us that for a film to be memorable, it should not be important that the actors should be excessively good looking and that the plot be filled with twists and turns and complexity as what most audience expects. There are times that all it needs is a touch of realism and the feeling that one is not watching but rather experiencing what is showing onscreen. That is what makes LARO NG BUHAY NI JUAN tick!

For two hours, I was taken back to the slums of Manila where I myself was able to live a few years back. One could almost feel the glaring heat of daylight; could almost smell the decaying scent of a mixture of countless odors; could hear the mingled noises in front of the unending sound of traffic in Edsa. All these images projected to the watcher with the subliminal signals that the director, Jay Altarejos, whether purposely or not signals the viewer on what to watch out for!

The simple style of the opening credits did not impress me at first, until i realized that its simplicity gave the audience the needed ticket to be in the story. Ray-an Dulay's acting was superb in its reality with nuances that gave him credibility. The word PSYCHO in front of the parked jeepney paralleled my observation on the craziness of what was transpiring in front of me; the word PRIVATE at the back of another jeep prepares you for the private/intimate life of who Juan really was. And the almost manic grabbing of Edwin's hair by his lover (Nico Antonio) as if it would somehow get him to stay breaks your heart much like the irony of the spilled rice bought from borrowed a "trenta" when free rice is being given out by a would be politician.

In comparison to the blinding light of the day scenes comes the dark shadows of the night scenes. Here we feel the tension of the streets, the secrets that lurks in corners and the secrets we all would want to keep. Yes, there are full frontal nudity, but they are much needed to show each viewer that they are but voyeurs in the life of Juan.

I give kudos to direk Jay, for sharing with us a vision that otherwise we tend to forget. I refuse to declare if this is his best work considering that there are certainly more to come and that this is his first foray with a realtime feature but then this work has already a place in my own collection.

I am not a film critic but merely an avid fan but what disturbs me was that I did not just watch the film, but I was taken from my seat at the moviehouse and transported to where a lot of dreamers had been finding themselves in time and again, and what my past could have been; by sharing with me a treasured glimpse of the LARO NG BUHAY NI JUAN.

Movies i would like to see in my lifetime!!!

2009-10-21T22:34:00.000-07:00

KING (Ang paglalakbay ni Marlon)

- Marlon, a 19 year old probinsyano living with his aunt and ambitious cousin Roel who entices him to join into the world of male pageants where he learned that not only are these hunks a mystery but they exist in a frame where secrets abound and where life can change in an instant!

"Lasing ka bro! Pero wag mo namang sabihin na ang lahat ng nangyari kagabi ay ako lang ang may gusto. At wag na wag mong sasabihin na nakalimutan mo na ang lahat kasi mahirap kalimutan ang mga pinaggagawa mo!" Emilio to Marlon

"Wala akong alam dyan, ni ngayon nga lang ako nakaexperience na inaahitan ang buhok ko dyan" Marlon while his pubes are being shaved backstage

"Shhh, wag kang maingay, badtrip lang ako, maswerte ka kailangan kong magpalabas ng sama ng loob" Janrick to Rj, a loyal fan who became a friend and backstage assistant to the candidates after Janrick was scolded in a rehearsals; he forced Rj to suck him off backstage while rehearsals are going on

__________

ILAW

- The story of 17 yeaqr old Anton, coming from the slums of Tondo he pursues his dream of being an actor by working as a waiter and macho dancer. Unwillingly, he uses his goodlooks and body to get to the top where the lights and glamour of tinseltown destroys what he holds best - his sanity!
**This should be different from the other macho dancer/dreamer story because he should reach the top before going down and because of insanity he should never realize that he has fallen.

BASEY/BASTE

- The story of Sebastian, an openly gay youth who grew up in this uncle's beauty parlor but eventually discovers that he was never gay at all but straight. A coming of age story but the other way around!

FAGHAG

APARADOR/CLOSET

- The story of a deeply religious single mother discovering that her pride and joy son is gay!

ROMEO

- 3 taong magkaisa ang pangalan
3 daigdig
3 kwento ng pag-ibig, kamunduhan at pagnanasa

COFFEE CLUB

- a story about 4 friends of different social level, different experiences, personalities meeting everyday to share coffeebreak. In the end, one of them meets a tragic ending.

Opening the Door a Little Wider

2009-07-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

"The time now is 6:00 PM. It's twilight," the facilitator spoke.

"Are you all ready to know yourselves? For your skeletons to come out of your closets? For your secrets to be known to this circle? Are you ready to be actors?"

I was trembling! Not beacuse I feared what was to come, but because I was anxious to start.

"First, let us introduce ourselves. But remember, what happens here stays here, you were all chosen because you all have the right qualities to be able to finish this course. At times you will think that you will be going crazy, your emotions...raw...your life open for all to see. But remember...you are what you are even if you don't know yourselves still. And now we begin...lets start with you!" pointing at me.

I began to stand up but his hand gesture stopped my movement and so I continued sitting and spoke.

"Hi, my name is Louis. I'm a student and I am with the theatre company of this school." I began my introduction as the others stared at me. Yet, I continued to tell them the details taht i have mentioned to you in these pages. Basic details, generic info that i thought they wanted to hear.

After, they spoke one by one: Jane the beauty queen, Tina, the hyperactive pixie, Antonette, the grocery owner's daughter, Karen, the old made, Liza, the silent beauty, Lester, the emotional singer, Jules and Rene, both teen movie actors with a fantasy film showing at the cinemas, Eli the loner, Manny the serious one and Marving, the budding matinee idol starting to be noticed in commercials and on TV.

The Closet Door is slightly Ajar

2009-04-13T02:13:00.000-07:00

I just broke up with a serious girlfriend. A mutual decision for both of us considering she needed to vacation with family in New York & I had to stay in school for an acting workshop with a well known director; not that there was any question of my going with her considering the limited finances I was constantly in - broke as always, that, and the fact that her grandmother hated me.

The break up was temporary, only for the months that we were to be apart. She thought of that, knowing I would never have the will to stay loyal and celibate during those months. How considerate of her.

So, I was relatively single, working part time for a fast food chain and attending an advanced acting course at night which I qualified for.

It was a rigid and personal workshop, one that required the participants to undergo screening and interviews before being chosen to participate. They said it was a way to prepare one for acting although it was known to be a way for the attendees to get to know themselves better. In fact, there was an unwritten rule for students: Dont make any personal-life changing decisions within the year after the workshop" It was strictly followed...it was important!

I was excited. Ecstatic to the point that I could not think of anything else, days before the actual class, ever since I say my name posted along with the other 11 names that luckily got qualified. Names that were vaguely familiar and some that were unfamiliar. Names of people that I will get to know more than I knew anybody else such was the nature of the workshop. People that I knew would get tto know me more than I knew myself at the time. All our pasts, all our strengths, all our weaknesses...all our secrets...all our desires.

And finally the day I was anxiously waiting for came. Our first class.

We started as a circle, sitting on the floor, wearing workout clothes. We were all looking into each others' excited faces. No one was speaking, but the air was charged with energy. Threre were five ladies and seven of us men; all of us looking like mere children. No one knew what to expect.

1998... (the prologue)

2009-04-13T01:41:00.000-07:00

*DISCLAIMER

the dates, including the year have been changed as well as the names of places and people have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved, but the author swears that what is written here is true and accurate to the best of his knowledge.

**The BEING Workshop is a complicated and diverse process. The exercises described within have been edited by the author for the sole purpose of this blog. A lot more exercises are within the module of the class but would be un-imporatant within this writing. It is not the writer's intention to pre-empt or destroy the methods designed by the owners of teh workshop or exercises that have been described.

I am of the third sex!

I needed to mention that first and foremost so that no confusion sets in as you enter deeper into my conscious memory. Yes, what is written here is a collection of what has transpired since I have come into the light after staying inside the closet for 20 years. 20 years of actively convincing myself that I was who I was at the time.

But before I take you into a journey that most of you might consider fantasy but which I will assure you is true, let me first introduce myself; the self I left behind sometime in 1998.

I was 20 at the time, as i have conveniently mentioned earlier. I was and still am fair skinned although the body frame has changed a bit. I was 5'7", 130 lbs. lean with brown hair cut maintained long as the fashion of the time dictated, the hair color, a product of meticulous care and genes from a french great grandfather. Modesty aside, I guess I looked good, modesty aside. Probably not drop dead handsome like my younger brother, but good enough to elicit second and sometimes third glances from people who saw me for the first time. An everyday occurence that I have always taken for granted. Nevertheless, 1998 was the year I was finally confident with how I looked physically and not overshadowed with the admiration being given my brother.

I was living at home with a mother I was very close with and a father I was never gonna be close to. Home was a major urbanized city, although at the time I could not call it such given the fact that we only had one mall that one would consider a mall. I was still a student in a major university having stayed there for 5 years without even a glimpse or a glimmer of graduation in the horizon, much was my love affair with the school and community theatre I belonged to.

To sum it up; I was a minor looker, a proverbial student, an actor, a flirt...and I had a girlfriend!

Well, several in fact. And all of them were considered prize catches during those years. I always thought that girls were easy prey; a few well chosen words, a few meaningful stares and they were ready for the sack. That and more, at the time, I was beginning to create a name for myself in the circle I belonged to. That of promiscuity, one night stands & a string of suspensions for PDA (public display of affection). Through all that I never considered myself a Casanova, it was just it. It never bothered me that my more handsome brother never got laid during those times. Or maybe, he was just more discrete, I never asked nor gave it any thought.

Well, my view of myself began to change, my metamorphosis started the Summer of 1998...